The Monday Blues: healthy Alternatives for coping

It seems like Mondays are disproportionately longer and more frequent than all the other days of the week. I feel like I drag myself through the day, getting kids fed, and dressed, and  off to school, backpacks tagging along behind, blankets and stuffed animals strewn about the house, bedroom floors littered with stray socks and legos. I'd love to say that I started Monday with a great workout, an exciting time of Bible study and prayer, and a healthy breakfast.

Yeah, right. It's more like hitting the snooze button until the kids are pouncing on the bed (or the noises coming from their bedrooms are becoming startling loud and investigation-worthy). Grabbing coffee, and pulling some clothes on in the dark, hoping they mostly match. A little eyeliner and mascara, yeah, that's a good idea, too. Forget the hair - just throw it in a ponytail and be done. Then we're pouring bowls of cereal - Lucky Charms if the kids are exceptionally lucky that day - and sweeping up at least as many spoonfuls off the floor as are in their hungry little tummies. Then it's run to the van and buckle in 6 wiggly, giggly, racuas kids.... oh wait, I forgot my coffee.  Oh wait, one forgot their lunch. Oh wait.... is it really morning already? What happened to sleep?

There just isn't time for a great start to the day, and I'm too tired anyway, even when I turn in early on Sunday night. So I try to find a few healthy alternatives to being cranky and miserable so I don't needlessly terrorize the rest of the people in my house with a bad mood.  Monday is a day to give myself a little kindness, get my little ones off and running for their week, and try to squeeze in some work where I can.

Coffee. That's a given! No day starts without coffee, and Mondays need a little extra.  Maybe you don't do caffeine - that's ok, it just means more for me.

Vitamins. I like Confianza by It Works!  (you can order it from my website here and I'll get a little comission): - http://thebeautifulblog.myitworks.com) It's a daily supplement to help your body deal with stress. I think it works wonders for performance anxiety, as well.

Starbucks. I know, there's controversy. And yes, it's way out of my way. And yes, it's expensive. But sometimes a peaceful ride in the car for a great tasting latte really improves my mood.

Music. Usually something along the lines of Matt Maher both soothes my soul and energizes me.

Essential oils. I'm only just beginning to understand the benefits of essential oils, but I have found that diffusing them (even in your vehicle) can help ipmrove your mood, give you energy, improve focus, and promote feelings of well-being, depending on the oils that you choose. Some enhance meditation, memory, or promote feelings of peace or family.  I became a Young Living Distributor so I could explore this avenue more - and I really like the combination of lavendar and peppermint to help me feel more calm and focused, and I also like the roll-on version of Stress Away - it seems to relieve my tension headaches.  (You can also order that from me and I'll receive a comission - youngliving.org/afurbeck).

Comfort foods. For me, these are sometimes treats (dark chocolate, anyone?) or health foods - Go Picnic lunches, Larabars, or just something special to look forward to.

Quietness. Mondays are a great day to practice self-care and soul care. I work pretty hard to coordinate naps so that I get some quiet time all to myself. It doesn't always work out like I want it to, but when I do get a little alone time, especially to write and to hang out with Jesus, it soothes the nerves and refreshes me better than anything else. On Mondays, silence is solace.

What works for you on a Monday?

Monday Blues: Is this how Wile E. Coyote feels?

I lay in bed, pretending my alarm is not about to shriek its awful chorus into my ears, imagining that 6 my children have not already greeted the day with their excited chatter and and the pounding and bounding of many small feet in the bedroom over top of my head. I drag the covers up, wishing I could hide in this warm blanket cocoon until Tuesday. But Mommy duties demand attention, and hungry little tummies need nourishment, lunches must be packed, and little shoelaces require double knotting. I escape from beneath my cozy, purring kitty and test the chilly floors with my toes. And then it hits me.

Monday.  

Suddenly, I'm aware of every aching joint in my body, a heavy weariness that not even my morning java can dislodge. I feel as if I dreamed all night of being Wile E. Coyote, victimized by anvils crashing on his head. It's going to be a long day. "Dear God, " I pray, "Help me. Help me, please."

As the fog clears, I see it for what it is, the Church hangover, the Monday blues, adrenaline dump. What bothers me the most is not the physical symptoms, but the emotional: the pervasive feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. It's ironic, feeling this way after a Sunday of serving God and the church, because without Him, we are worthless and hopeless.

I can't shake those 'feelings' so I call them what they are: feelings, not facts.  Feelings will pass, and tomorrow I'll be back to feeling like myself, optimistic, hope-filled, energetic. For today, I'll look for truth - what does God say about me? A few verses come to mind as I think about how God thinks about me, about us. I'll try to focus on these things - God's love, His care, His plan - rather than my weariness, as I pour milk into cereal bowls, change diapers, and begin to work on next Sunday's worship music.

Psalm 139:13-16 NLT
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Romans 8:37-39 NLT
 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11 NLT
For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Ephesians 2:10 NLT
For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Romans 5:6-8 NLT
When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

John 10:10 NLT
The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

How are you feeling today? What Truth is God pointing you towards to draw you closer to Him?

Monday Blues: To work or not to work?

Monday always comes. Whether you are a pastor, musician, volunteer, or church-goer, Monday comes. And if you've been 'on duty' Sunday, you'll probably feel some level of exhaustion. Maybe depression. Maybe crankiness. Maybe numbness. Lack of motivation. Lack of a good attitude, perhaps? Your post-Sunday feelings don't reflect how good you are in ministry or how spiritually mature you are. Many of the most famous, well-known and gifted pastors and evangelists have shared their bouts of depression and difficulty. We should not be ashamed of being worn out after a day of ministry; Monday Blues comes and goes with the work of ministry. It's our bodies' responses to the hormonal fluctuations that come with Sunday's spiritual warfare.

So what to do with Monday? Is it a good day to work? Or a good day to take a day off? If you're bi-vocational or a volunteer in ministry, you probably don't have a choice. You pull your boot straps up, put on your hat, and away you go to your day job so that you can pay your bills and afford to do ministry. It isn't easy, but you do it anyway because that's what you have to do for your family and your church.

 But if you're in ministry full time, what do you do? Some folks find that making Monday their day, so they can rest and recoup,  works best for them. They can chill out on their day off and get ready for a new week. But others feel like that's selfish -it takes away a good day from their family time and leaves the family with the worst, most unhappy part of the week. If you take off  Monday, do you work Friday and Saturday?

If you take off of work on Saturday, can you compartmentalize enough to avoid thinking about work to concentrate on family? Or do you need to work Saturday to prepare for Sunday?

My question is this: do we plan our weekly schedule around the feelings that we know are going to happen on Monday, around the needs of the church, or around the needs of our family? Or somehow find a way to balance all three?

Psalm 116

Sometimes we forget that being a believer in Christ means living a life of spiritual warfare. It's no wonder Sundays make us tired! We're not just 'doing church' but also fighting a spiritual battle to praise, worship, spread the Word of God, and be together as a family in the name of Christ. And Satan wants nothing more than to thwart our every attempt at drawing near to God. It's the best work of all, but it's hard work. It's worth it, but it's wearing on our hearts, our souls, and our bodies. So just stop, take a minute, and read Psalm 116. The Psalmist may have been weary from physical battles but he knew there was a battle for his soul, as well. Remember that the Lord hears your cries and has compassion when you're facing physical and spiritual battles. It's Monday, but the Lord hears you in your weariness.  Call on him. And then return to your rest, soul.

Psalm 116, NIV

1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Lord, save me!”

5 The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
6 The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.

7 Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.

Monday Morning Blues: Insecurity

Do you ever second-guess yourself on Monday?

Feel insecure about Sunday?

Wonder if you’re cut out for this?

A little grace in a cup.

A little self-examination for the sake of improvement is a good thing, but on Monday Morning, too much self-examination easily turns into insecurity. I have to be careful about analyzing Sunday’s service before I’m physically and emotionally recovered from the weekend. I start asking myself, Did I choose the right topic? Did I select the wrong songs? Did the offertory fit the service? Did I play well or sing out of tune? Maybe I should have practiced more. Maybe I should have prayed more. Did I listen to God? Did people like the music? Did they like the songs? Did they like me? So and so barely spoke to me, did I make him or her mad? Am I in trouble? Did I do it all wrong? Why didn’t anyone complement the music? Why didn’t they sing?  Should I be doing this at all?

Insecurity isn’t all bad – it helps me realize that I don’t have all the answers. I’m not perfect. And someone will probably always be unhappy about something. And there is always someone who will do my work better than I could. That humbles me. A lot. But just because someone else might be better at what I do doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it all. It means I need to rely on Jesus all the more.

The problem we have on Mondays is that we sometimes let our feelings of insecurity affect our families, our relationships, and our ministries. To make sure that doesn’t happen, we need to look at our insecurities, acknowledge them, but avoid making decisions based on them. I may feel like quitting on Monday Morning, but usually by the time Tuesday rolls around, I’ve recovered from the feelings of insecurity that made me want to write that resignation letter. I need to make sure I’m not putting my feelings of insecurity onto my spouse – just because they aren’t singing my praises all Monday morning doesn’t mean they’re mad me or think I did a bad job the day before. It probably just means it is Monday, and they don’t want to face the world, either!  I also need to be careful about my relationships with people at church on Monday morning. If I’m feeling insecure, I might be tempted to strive at pleasing people more than I work to please God. Awareness doesn’t make insecurity evaporate; it helps us live out what we believe even when we don’t feel like it.

It’s Monday. A day to give myself a little extra grace, and extend it to those around me.

It’s Monday. A day to practice what I preach the rest of the week: to act according to how I believe, rather than according to how I feel.

It’s Monday. A day to practice the discipline, to make a conscious choice, of putting my security in God’s hands even when I am insecure.

It’s Monday, but Tuesday’s on its way.

The Monday Blues: Separating Fact from Feelings

Feeling frazzled? 

One of the strategies that I use for coping with the Monday Blues is to separate out the facts from what I’m feeling. This type of logical self-examination helps me figure out if I truly have a good reason to be upset, or if it’s really just the adrenaline let down talking. And then I can make a conscious effort to extend extra grace to myself for my unhappy feelings and to those around me so I don’t hurt them.

For example, because of the adrenal let down, I might be more likely to be short-tempered with my spouse on a Monday. This translates to me being annoyed when he doesn’t live up to my expectations, or me getting frustrated or irritated at something that normally doesn’t bother me at all. Before I snap at someone else, I try to rehearse my feelings to myself first:

I feel…. But the fact is…

I feel irritated because he left dirty dishes in the sink. But the fact is, the dishwasher was in the middle of a cycle so there was no place else to put the dirty dishes. There is no reason for me to snap even though I’m feeling upset. I might still feel stressed, but at least I can stop myself from putting that stress onto someone else.

Other examples…

I feel too tired to work out… but the fact is that the endorphins from a brisk walk will help to improve my mood and give me energy. (I probably should do it anyway!)

I feel frustrated that the worship service didn’t go as planned. But the fact is, some of that was out of my control, so I’ll fix what I can this week and let the rest of it go.

I feel sad and I don’t know why, but the fact is, I felt really good yesterday so I’ll try to focus on how God worked through yesterday’s worship service. It’s ok that I’m sad, but good things happened, too.

I feel overwhelmed by the work week ahead, but the fact is that I will feel better about it tomorrow, so I’ll try to tackle some easier tasks today and save the more complicated things for when I’ve recovered from the weekend.

I think it’s important to acknowledge those feelings – feelings aren’t wrong or bad, they just don’t tell the whole story. Separating out fact and feeling helps us to deal with what we’re feeling right now without allowing it to damage people or programs.  

No matter what we’re feeling – sadness, frustration, exhaustion, tiredness, joy, or gladness or even fear – God cares. He knows our hearts and He cares about what we’re feeling no matter what the facts are.

Hang in there- it might be Monday, but Tuesday is on its way.

Monday Morning Blues: God is Good even when I don't feel good

I struggle to see the silver lining when Monday morning rolls around… the headache, fatigue, and low mood is sometimes so pervasive that I don’t want to look on the bright side. But there is one.

The Monday morning low teaches me to be wholly dependent on God. It’s easy to trust God on a good day. When there is smooth sailing on Sunday, a solid sermon backed by a chorus of “Amens” and “Hallelujah,” sweet strains of musical praise, and sweet treats after church, it’s easy to pat each other on the back and say that God is Good. And He is! He is good in the good times.

But God is also good in the low times. When I am discouraged, God is good. When I am physically tired and weak, God is good. When I am annoyed at my spouse, God is good. When I feel like failure has conquered me, God is very very good.  And so it becomes a discipline, this Monday morning that comes every single week.  My calendar doesn’t lie. There is never a Sunday that isn’t followed up by Monday.  There is never a day of ministry that isn’t followed up by a day that needs a healthy dose of “God is still good even though I don’t feel like it.” There is never a day of discouragement that my Lord and Savior is absent from.  And so I practice my praise, I remember that no matter how lousy I might feel, God is good.

There is no quick fix for this weariness, no easy answer to the lost feeling that comes with the post-Sunday let down. I wish that I could read the perfect combination of Scripture passages and feel perfectly fine. I wish that I could wake up in the morning, meditate on the correct mindset, and be ready to face the week. It’s just not that simple, there is no ‘super-Christian’ response to Monday.

What I do have is the assurance that God loves me. I have the promise of Romans 8:28,that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes. That God heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147), God’s loving kindness endures forever (Psalm 136), and His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23).

Monday morning may not be a good time, but it is the right time to exercise the truth that God is good even when I don’t feel it. And then, when the good times come, I’ll know the difference between “my circumstances are good” and “God is good.”  So for today, even though Monday doesn’t feel so hot, I’ll keep practicing that God is good. Not because I feel good, but simply because it’s true.

Do rainy days and Mondays always get you down? Let's start with sleep.

The incurable Monday Morning Blues; it’s that post Sunday fatigue and discouragement that comes on late Sunday night or early Monday morning.  It’s probably going to show up week after week, so we really need to create a game plan to keep this regular bout of discouragement from bringing us to the point of burn out.  I don’t see this Monday fatigue as any sort of spiritual lack, but rather, our human bodies’ response to stress and adrenaline. Great preachers, such as Charles Spurgeon, and even the prophet Elijah, suffered from depression or discouragement, so why wouldn’t the rest of us struggle at some time or another? It happens to the best of us. We can’t avoid it, but we can be prepared for it.

Pastors and ministry workers are caregivers, constantly in touch with the needs of others, and finding ways to meet those needs. But rarely do we stop and consider our own needs. This is the time to care for our own souls and bodies just like we would care for someone else in a similar state.  Creating our own soul care plan will help us work through these difficult days.

For me, a good night’s sleep is a total game changer. My outlook greatly improves when I can get some good, solid rest. It’s like an emotional reset button. Of course, it’s hard for me to unwind on a Sunday night, so going to bed early is almost impossible. Sleeping in would be marvelous, too – but with small children that need help getting to school, that’s generally not a viable option.  Instead, I try to make Sunday nights as relaxing as possible, so I can unwind and get to bed at a normal hour. I also get up as late as possible on a Monday morning, even if it means rushing a bit to get out the door. That extra half hour of sleep in the morning is totally worth it.

I also try to build in some moments of rest throughout the day on Monday.  For example, if my toddlers fall asleep in the van at some point, I’ll spend some time just resting in the presence of God. Not sleeping, but relaxing with God on my mind. Maybe I’ll read a little Scripture or meditate, but mostly, I just rest in God. Think of it as praying without words. It is a peaceful time that has a soothing effect on my soul, and I always come away feeling more inspired and energetic than I did before.\

My last hope for rest is to sneak in a nap either Sunday or Monday afternoon. I usually crash somewhere around Sunday afternoon, and fall asleep on a heap on the floor, underneath a handful of small children.   It isn’t graceful, but it is effective.

What do you do? How do you give yourself the extra rest you need to deal with Post Adrenaline Depression?

Links to consider

 M. Scott Bashoor has a great explanation of the Monday Morning Blues: The Pastor’s Weekly Wreck.  

Rick Warren talks about Dealing with Discouragement.

Jimmy Smith talks about the different effects of Monday on Pastors.

The Monday Blues: Adrenaline Dump

Do you get the Monday blues? Not just the “oh, no, I have to go back to work on Monday morning,” blues, I’m talking about serious depression, exhaustion, and general bad mood that comes on anywhere from after church on Sunday to as late as sometime on Tuesday. It’s the ministry low that comes on after the ministry high of doing church on a Sunday morning.

weknowmemes.com

You might be pastor, worship leader, or even volunteer.

You’ve given it your all for the weekend services, serving God and serving people, and suddenly, you crash. Maybe you felt great in those special moments of ministry, when you felt completely connected to God and His Word and His people. But when the church lights are turned off and the door is locked, the soaring mood plummets. I’ve always called it the Monday blues. After a great high from preaching or leading worship over the weekend, I often wake up Monday morning, tired, soar, and feeling absolutely miserable. Is it a coincidence that I wake up on the wrong side of the bed Every. Single. Monday?  I’ve heard it called the pastor’s hangover. The Monday slump. A case of the Mondays. Only recently did I learn from my friend, Pastor Rachel, that this is known as adrenaline dump.

When an athlete takes the field, or a pastors turns on the microphone, his or her body sends a surge of adrenaline hormones to prepare them for fight or flight. These hormones help you think more clearly in the moment, give you extra strength, energy, and awareness so you can either stand up to the task or run away as fast as you possibly can. This gives you that extra boost you need to interact with the congregation as you sing or gives you that extra edge when you preach. You feel excited and alive! Your body may buzz with energy. But your body can’t sustain this level of intensity or adrenaline for long. And as all of the hormones leave your body, you crash. You may experience fatigue, depression, sadness, bitterness, irritation, stomach upset, and even soreness. These same hormones suppress memory, so all of yesterday might just seem like one big blur. You might wonder, if I did so well, why do I feel so poorly? If I loved ministry yesterday, why do I want to quit today? Your bruised and battered feelings aren’t a reflection of your ministry abilities. It’s a reflection of your body’s use of adrenaline and how easily it recovers. It varies from person to person and from week to week.

I’m still learning to recognize the emotional ramifications of my Monday morning slump. But it helps to have an honest friend like Rachel who can objectively remind me that my grumpy feelings are related to the previous day’s adrenaline surge and not to my family, friends, or ministry.

Do you experience the Monday morning blues? What do you do to cope? How do you work through it so you can begin another week of ministry and mission?